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Joel Stein has written for TV shows including Lifetime’s American Princess, Funny or Die’s Best Presidency Ever and the Academy Awards. He is a former humor columnist for Time, the Los Angeles Times and Entertainment Weekly, the author of the books In Defense of Elitism and Man Made, and writes the Substack The End of My Career.
As someone who regularly pitches television and movie ideas, Netflix’s proposed $82.7 billion purchase of Warner Bros. has me panicked. Because I’m also a longtime Hollywood reporter. And my research shows that I’ve written nearly nothing about Netflix. Which is insane. Because it’s such a great company. My union, the Writers Guild, issued a statement demanding that the government block the merger. “The world’s largest streaming company swallowing one of its biggest competitors is what antitrust laws were designed to prevent,” it began. I do not question my fellow writers, even when they use the passive voice. But I think they’re overlooking an important fact. Which is how awesome Netflix is. Does the WGA not think it’s in the public interest to know if something is cake or not cake? Do they want to see if our country’s population will drop even more when men are forced to ask to Fubo and Chill? I wonder if the WGA even knows about Netflix’s charity work? Without it, who knows what would have happened to Harry and Meghan? Who would be feeding Phil? That man hasn’t cooked since the 1970s. Is Netflix the best studio to pitch to? I don’t know, do you enjoy a waiting room where you can gaze at a wall of living plants while you brew your own espresso to accompany your selection of seven different power bars? I have been employed several times by Warner Bros. and eaten countless meals on its lot, mostly at a Mexican place called Poquito Más. Putting these two giants together, Poquito Más and seven different power bars, would create a very long Spanish phrase. Something like Un Poco Más de Siete Barritas Energéticas Diferentes starring Pedro Pascal. During the writers strike, I deliberately chose not to picket outside Netflix, instead walking in dizzying, tiny circles around itsy bitsy Paramount. Did I do this because I couldn’t bear to disrespect Netflix, or because Paramount is near Swingers, the diner where Drew Carey paid for all of our meals? Union rules probably prevent me from disclosing, but let’s just say it was a bit of both. Let me add that, I shouldn’t have picketed Paramount either. Because after just learning more about the studio in an article about how it’s offering a hostile bid for Warner Bros., I realize that it too, is a tremendous organization. The only way Paramount could be any better is if it added creative input from the governments of Saudi Arabia and Qatar, as well as Jared Kushner. If you think Taylor Sheridan’s action sequences were wild before, imagine what they’ll be like after Mohammed bin Salman gives notes. The WGA worries that a near monopoly in streaming services, should Netflix win after all, will mean less competition for our writing services. That might be true in an economics textbook. But in the real world, it costs writers more to drive all around town to have our sitcom pitch turned down by multiple studios than to get rejected in one spot. A spot with all those power bars. Plus, remember how boring it was pre-Netflix when you were on staff at Warner Bros. and knew exactly where you were going every day for an entire year, ordering two or three lunches from the same place? With Netflix’s eight-episode orders, you get to look for an exciting new job every few months. Poquito Less!
A Deal James Cameron Should Love
I understand that new things are scary, and that Netflix doesn’t want to put movies in theaters or fund news that might offend American leaders or foreign governments. And Paramount is funded by billionaire Trump buddy Larry Ellison. But Jane Fonda overreacted when she wrote in her op-ed for The Ankler that any studio’s purchase of Warner Bros. is “an alarming escalation in a consolidation crisis that threatens the entire entertainment industry, the public it serves, and — potentially — the First Amendment itself.” As much as I respect Ms. Fonda, she has a history of jumping in a Silkwood Shower over everything. Remember all that time she spent working for women’s rights when it turns out they all wanted to be tradwives? In that same Ankler column, Fonda wrote, “I know that members of our industry are terrified to speak up because it could entail criticizing the very companies their livelihoods depend on or might depend on in the future.” I hope that’s not true. But if it is true, I bet those companies will figure out who the pathetic sycophants are with search terms such as “Netflix rules” and “David Ellison was great in Flyboys.” The only Hollywood player who has the guts to say he likes the merger is James Cameron, the director of Titanic, who said it “would be a disaster,” which is clearly his favorite thing. The U.S. Representative of my district, Laura Friedman, released a statement which warned ominously that “repeated consolidation in this industry has already cost so many film and television jobs, and any merger should be evaluated on its impacts on competition and employment.” Friedman was the producer of the 1995 Olsen Twins film It Takes Two, which — and it’s hard to believe this is a coincidence — is not available on Netflix. I’d like to quickly tell a story that explains why Netflix prevailing and getting this merger through is going to be good for the entertainment industry. I was once at a book party in L.A. and started talking to a stunning woman who had been the U.S. Ambassador to the Bahamas. When her very handsome and well-dressed husband joined us, he introduced himself as Netflix co-CEO Ted Sarandos. The point is, Sarandos is good at mergers. If I wind up writing a book about how this merger saved Hollywood, I can’t wait to sell it through the amazing store that sold nearly every single copy of my first two books. God, I love Amazon.
Got a tip or story pitch? Email tips@theankler.com ICYMI from The AnklerSCOOP: Netflix and iHeart Near Podcast Deal; Videos To Be Pulled From YouTube Natalie Jarvey reports that about 20 shows are covered in the agreement TV in 3: HBO’s Horny Hockey Hunks Go Viral; CBS Showrunner Scramble Plus: Starz’s Shohei Ohtani home run Ellison’s Warner Bros. Bid: A One-Man Toxic Spill Our newest studio chief’s debut keeps getting worse, Richard Rushfield writes When Mickey Met Sam Altman — and What It Means for Every Other Studio Now Scorched by the Streaming Wars, Bob Iger won’t let Mickey Mouse be steamrolled by Big Tech again, writes Erik Barmack 12 C-Suite Execs on the ‘Existential’ Fallout of a Warners Deal and the ‘Least Bad’ Outcome Lesley Goldberg reports on why the acquisition could be as destabilizing for the buyer as it is for the rest of Hollywood Small-Town Theaters vs. Studios: ‘It Doesn’t Feel Like the Industry Wants Us to Survive’ Cinema owners tell Matthew Frank the two-week mandatory run for movies is crushing them The 9 Most Fearless Creative Decisions in Hollywood 2025 Introducing Richard’s Boldness Awards! Plenty of people had guts this year, if you knew where to look Jordan Chiles + Noah Beck Reveal the New Playbook for Sports, Stardom & Social Natalie talked with the TikTok and Tubi star and the Dancing With the Stars Olympian (who slips she has a big Nike announcement coming) WORLD WAR WARNER BROS.! People like Netflix, writes Richard. But they can’t have this (and neither can Paramount) ‘NOT GOOD’: Agents’ Alarm as Netflix-WBD Stokes Panic, Fears of a Market Pause Reps talk to Elaine Low about what they’re telling clients, mounting questions and even a bright side: ‘Where there’s chaos, there’s opportunity’ Delroy Lindo on the Sinners Note Ryan Coogler Gave Him That Changed Everything Plus: Dreaming of Sundance and next year’s contenders (already) Voices, Chants, Pain: Amanda Seyfried & Daniel Blumberg on The Testament of Ann Lee ‘I made sounds I’d never heard in a film,’ the actress tells Rob LeDonne regarding her collab with the Oscar-winning composer 5 Globes Takeaways: Wicked Woes, Neon Lights & Netflix Mysteries Katey Rich on the Golden Globe nominations; plus Nicholas Britell talks Jay Kelly 🎬 New from Ankler Studio! Joel Edgerton Had Twins. Train Dreams Channeled His Emotions About Parenthood Main Character, our new video series about the best lead performances in film and TV, debuts with the Australian actor 🎬 ‘Make Movies Better’: Roger Deakins & James Ellis Deakins’ Blunt Words for the Industry The married couple and Team Deakins podcast hosts talk with Richard about the future of the cinematic experience 🎬 WGA Prez’ Dire Warning on Netflix-WB: ‘We Know How This Movie Ends’ Michele Mulroney tells Elaine about the inevitable ‘self-dealing,’ the ‘distressing’ time for guild members and what writers can do now 🎧 Tick, Tick: The 10-Day Siege of Warner Bros. Begins The hostile bid from the Saudis, Kushner & Ellison has a deadline on it. But it likely won’t end there. Plus: Katey on awards season 🎧 Charlie Hunnam: ‘Purpose is Derived From Doing Something Very, Very Difficult’ The Monster star earned rave reviews — and award noms — for playing serial killer Ed Gein. But he tells Katey he’s got his eye on a next act 🎧 Jeremy Allen White ‘Went Crazy’ to Play Bruce Springsteen. It Paid Off The actor, a freshly minted Golden Globe nominee, talks to Katey about playing The Boss and why sometimes it’s good to meet your heroes More from Ankler Media
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