Chandler Bing Was A Friend To Us All

Why Matthew Perry's Death Feels Personal

Fans fell in love with Perry as Chandler, a goofball who made us laugh even when it wasn’t our day, our week, our month, or even our year. Mallik Thatipalli writes.

“WHY does this feel so personal?” was my sister’s first reaction when I called her on learning of Matthew Perry’s death. For millions of us in the ‘90s, Friends was at the centre of the cultural zeitgeist growing up — we spouted one-liners from the show to be cool, we had T-shirts emblazoned with quotes from Friends and that pinnacle of fandom: a prized black-and-white poster given pride of place in our rooms, that immortalised the six breakout stars of the sitcom at their zenith of their fame.

As we grew older, Friends was not cool for a while. Yes, we knew the cultural references, but we never really watched it again, only bits and pieces. It was around the late 2000s, long after the show concluded, that we got hooked on the show again, this time via DVDs and fan memorabilia. Since then, the show has never really left us (or vice versa). You paused and rewound while playing, and watched it again. A TV channel held marathon viewings, and it eventually became the go-to choice for streaming when you could not decide what to watch.

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DAYS OF OUR LIVES

Chandler Bing Was A Friend To Us All

By Mallik Thatipalli

IT helped somehow that the show was (initially) based on the premise of friendship. While many shows become fan favourites for a generation, some become classics. Friends was a classic, one of the biggest there was.

In its style, substance, and chutzpah, its cultural impact remains undiminished almost three decades after it first premiered, and its stars remain coffee-drinking, coffee-shop-loving, Central Perk holdouts forever. When even Generation Z is hooked, you know that the show got something right and the fact that it transcended the bridge between cordless phone and smartphone users itself remains commendable.

Over decades of re-watching, the actors and their real-live selves merged to form an illusion. It was easy to believe that Courtney Cox was a compulsive cleaner, that Jennifer Aniston had a great sense of fashion, or that Matt Le Blanc was a ladies’ man.

It was therefore easy to believe that Matthew Perry was Chandler Bing. That funny, sarcastic, and witty person who used humor to shield himself from pain. Their personalities merged over the 10 seasons, and it was Perry who we believed could wear sweater vests, could love Janice, tease his friends mercilessly, and couldn’t really muster a smile.

Slowly but surely, we fell in love with this goofball who made us laugh even when it wasn’t our day, our week, our month, or even our year. It is little wonder that the actor’s untimely death resulted in an outpouring of grief. And of course, millions of WhatsApp statuses.

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How could you not like him? He was Chandler, who helped Joey out for years, who was yin to Monica’s yang, and who was ultimately a friend we all wanted. When he said 'I’ll be there for you' — we believed him in a heartbeat.

His memoir, Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing, was stark, real and frank. It was as if Perry wanted to prove that he was the complete antithesis to his on-screen persona. His motives (to help others dealing with addiction, anxiety, and substance abuse) show the real mark of his courage and character — to put himself out there without the fear of judgement.

Perry’s death is another nudge for all of us. To look around and look within. To sometimes look deep into those around us, who smile and make us smile, but might be hurting inside. To look into our own group of friends and not let their charm mask the pain they carry inside. To check in. To reach out. To follow-up. To tell them that they are not alone. That we’ll be there for them.

In April of this year, the actor said that he wanted to be remembered as “a guy who lived life, loved well, lived well, and helped people. That running into me was a good thing, not something bad.” With the outpouring of grief over his untimely death, many only had good things to say about him.

For many, Friends reminds them of that idyll in life — that final stage of growing up — when you start working but are not tied down to your career, when you are dating but not married, when friends are the central figures of your life, and when all that matters is a good cup of coffee. The gang saw us through heartbreak, births, love and death.

Chandler, then, was that one friend in the group you could rely on when the chips were down to help you with money or a joke. Or technology. One to always have your back. Who, when he bought a house, had a special room for Joey!

As we mourn Perry, maybe we are mourning that carefree part of our lives too. When we (the ‘90s generation) watched Friends without a care in the world, not bogged down by life or responsibility, a time before streaming and dating apps. When we had to wait for an episode for a week and six months to a year for a season!

As I hung up the phone after that call with my sister, I mused once more why this news felt so personal… Maybe because all of us have lost a friend? And, it's never easy to do so. Or to reconcile with the fact that there will be no more reunions?

Farewell, dear friend. Could we be more heartbroken?

***

My six favourite Chandler moments from Friends:

The one where he boards the plane to Yemen to escape Janice

The one where he convinces Joey he is not his dad and they sleep on the pull over couch

The one where he convinces Monica that she is the best of the worst

The one where he convinces Ross that he will be a good father

The one where he invents a game to lend Joey money

The one on New Year’s Eve where he has to refrain from making sarcastic comments

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