| | | Even though their bodies are blurred, the viral video from Manipur has been triggering for grown-ups. How then do you begin speaking to kids and young adults who might also have seen or heard about it? I spoke to a range of experts to get some tips. Read on... The Big Story How to talk to your kids about sexual violence  Representational Image (Source:Pexel) Shaili Chopra’s nine-year-old son had more than just a few questions. He hadn’t seen the video, the one that had gone viral, the one that showed two Kuki-zo women in Manipur being paraded naked through a crowd of jeering Meitei men. But he had read the news and the descriptions in the newspapers were graphic enough. -
What was going on? -
Why would anyone do this? -
Who were these men? -
Why didn’t the police and the army save the women? “Newspaper reading is rampant in my house,” says Chopra, a former journalist and now author, entrepreneur and founder of SheThePeople TV and Gytree.com. Chopra was clear about one thing: No sugar-coating. No matter how unpalatable the facts, her son deserved honest answers. “We began unpacking the layers,” she says. “What is happening in Manipur. Why this happened. Why it happened even though soldiers and police are present in the state. What are the power equations. Why in times of war and conflict, some vulnerable groups like women suffer more.” At one point, she says, it was just too much and both mother and son broke down and wept. “The thought that these women had no safety net was so hard for him to bear,” she says. |
Triggering trauma
The last time sexual violence took over mainstream discourse was after December 16, 2012 when a young student returning home from the cinema was gang-raped in a moving bus. The absolute ordinariness of the circumstances of that crime—and its sheer brutality—shook the nation to its core and thousands came out on the street to protest.
This time around, there is a video (since taken down from social media sites) and although the bodies are blurred, it is horrific because you can literally feel the terror of those women, dragged and groped as men armed with sticks prod them on. When I first saw it, my instinctive reaction was: “I cannot watch this.” And when I did, like so many women I spoke to later, I was falling back on the same expressions: Shivers, horror, couldn’t sleep at night.
“Collective unconscious trauma” is how Delhi-based counselor Utkarsha Jagga describes it. “As a woman and as an Indian woman, most of us have experienced some form of sexual violence. When a Delhi gang-rape or Manipur video happens, it can lead to traumatic flashbacks of that violence,” she says.
If it is triggering to us as adults, how do we begin to comprehend what it must mean to young adults? “It can make a child feel very, very unsafe,” says Jagga. “Questions about what would make people do this can cause a lot of anxiety.”
Jagga fielded more than a few questions from a young niece. “It was important to explain how these women were powerless and made pawns in a larger fight and to talk about the intentions and the layers behind the act.”
Adds Point of View’s Zahra Gabuji who has a background in life-skills, gender and sexuality: “It is important for young people to reflect on why this has happened and how some identities are marginalized and vulnerable.” Highlighting this to young people is “crucial” she says. “They must understand intersectionality and how in this case, the two women’s bodies are sites for violence, power, displaying their outrage.” | | Changing times From 2012 to now, there has been a sea-change in how we talk to children about sexuality. Good touch/bad touch (or to use its more accurate expression, safe touch/unsafe touch), is now routine for even primary school children. “Our health education programme begins these conversations from Nursery itself in a graded manner, when we start with talking about body parts, using their proper names,” says Vasant Valley school principal Rekha Krishnan. Included in the conversations are concepts about private space and boundaries. By secondary school, children are talking about consent and learning that silence is not consent. In more senior classes, the discussions become more explicit, and more detailed—understanding the sexualization of women in mainstream entertainment through songs, discussions about sexual behaviour and response, gender-based violence and violation of human rights. It's an approach sex educator and parent Swati Jagdish would approve of. “Fill them up with positive sexuality for as long as possible,” she says. “Focus more on consent, boundaries and autonomy so that they automatically understand when it is violated.” Without the scaffolding of early conversations that reinforce bodily autonomy, consent and respect, it’s hard to answer the more difficult questions later in life. | | Tips and advice Do not brush questions under the carpet, says Shaili Chopra. “If they don’t get answers from you, they will ask someone else.” Ask the child/young adult what they’ve understood about the incident, says Jagga. Explain to them how violence works. Explain to them the context of the violence. Introduce them to the question of gender justice. Talk to them about the ethics of recording someone, sharing videos and what’s at stake for the survivor, says Gabuji. “This is also very hard for young girls’ mental health—so thinking of mental wellbeing is important since it can be severely triggering or traumatizing, more so if you belong to identities that are marginalized. Be mindful of these things.” | | News update The Central Bureau of Investigation has been asked to take over the probe into the May 4 sexual violence incident in Manipur. At the time of writing this, seven arrests have been made in connection with the case. | | In numbers Less than 1% of the world’s women and girls are lucky enough to live in a country with a high level of gender empowerment. Source: UN Women and UNDP report that looked at how women’s power and freedom to make choices and seize opportunities varied in 114 countries | | Rest in power  (Source:HT Photos) Her response at the age of 23 to a male record executive who suggested she wear a short skirt, boots and feminine accessories for the video of Nothing Compares 2 U, the greatest hit of her career, was to shave her head. Sinead O’Connor, described variously as “rock music’s Joan of Arc” (New Yorker), a “pop provocateur” (Rolling Stone) and “counter-culture artist” (documentary film-maker Kathryn Ferguson who made Nothing Compares), tended to defy labels. The singer who died at age 56 in London on Wednesday famously denounced the Catholic church, tearing a photo of then Pope John Paul II live on TV, for its abuse of children. It cost her fans around the world, though in the end her stand was vindicated. Later she got herself ordained by a breakaway faction, requested the Church to excommunicate her, and finally converted to Islam, changing her name to Shuhada’ Sadaqat. She rejected the four Grammy nominations (for her second album, I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Got) for “destroying the human race”. U2 were early supporters of her music, but then she fell out and dismissed them as “bombastic”. But through it all, she remained steadfast to what she believed was her truth. “I am a woman. I have something to offer,” she famously said. “Ireland’s alternative moral compass” is how NYT headlined its obituary. | | Watch Arguably, India’s foremost writer on wrestling, Rudraneil Banerjee’s just released documentary along with Sreya Banerjee takes a look at the battles Indian women are fighting in and out of the sporting arena, in wrestling and boxing. From the dusty akhadas in Haryana, where being born a girl is still seen as a tragedy, the 25-minute documentary which aired on Al Jazeera seamlessly weaves the two fights—against patriarchy and against the powerful head of the Wrestling Federation of India in what is Indian sport’s first MeToo movement. Do watch here. | | Can’t make this s*** up Ajay Pratap Singh, a BJP member of Parliament in the Rajya Sabha wants the government to bring in a law that would ban live-in relationships. His concern stems from a WHO report which finds that 38% of all murders of women around the world are committed by their “intimate partners”. Perhaps the hon’ble MP assumes intimate partners are only boyfriends and is ignorant of the fact that they do include husbands as well. If Singh is concerned about protecting women, then shouldn’t he be asking for a ban on marriage and not just live-in relationships? | | What’s making news Harmanpreet throws a tantrum First came her dust-up with the umpires at the National Stadium in Dhaka that led Indian captain Harmanpreet Kaur to smash the stumps after getting out. Then, she repeated her complaint at a press conference after the match ended in a tie. But even on the podium, Harmanpreet hadn’t calmed down, mocking her Bangladesh counterpart to “call the umpires too” for the photo-op, leading the Bangladeshi team to walk out. Harmanpreet should know the struggles of generations of women player on whose shoulders she stands. Diana Edulji and Mithali Raj have publicly condemned her behaviour. Her tantrum has also led to larger questions about the team’s performance, ego clashes and coteries. The entire team is now under scrutiny thanks to the skipper. But perhaps worst of all, Harmanpreet presents as a very poor model for women’s cricket and for sport in general. Boorish behaviour by any athlete, regardless of gender, is condemnable. But when it comes from a woman who should be aware of the struggles and sacrifices to make women’s sport relevant it is worse. The Indian skipper has been handed down a two-match ban by the ICC. Gopal Kanda gets a clean chit On Tuesday, a Delhi court acquitted Haryana MLA Gopal Goyal Kanda and one of his associates of charges of abetting the death by suicide of Geetika Sharma in 2012. A year after the 23-year-old’s death, her mother too died by suicide. In both cases, the women squarely blamed Kanda for leading them to take the extreme step. The court, however, said the prosecution had failed to prove that the legislator had compelled the women to take the extreme step. Kanda is with the Haryana Lokhit Party, now a part of the BJP-led NDA. …And the good news Sikkim chief minister Prem Singh Tamang has promised to extend paid maternity leave from the present six months to a year. The benefit will apply only to government employees and new dads too will be eligible for a month’s paid leave. | | World Cup The Brazil women’s national team arrived in Australia on a plane bearing messages of support for Iranians protesting for women’s rights that included images of Mahsa Amini and former football player Amir Nasr Azadani, reports CNN.  Source: CNN Elsewhere, Nouhaila Benzina made history as the first soccer player to wear a hijab on the pitch while warming up. Although the Moroccan squad ended up with a 6-0 defeat at the hands of Germany and Benzina herself was benched, her impact will be felt, reports HuffPost. “Girls will look at Benzina [and think] ‘That could be me’.” For a long(ish) read, the Washington Post has a story on how FIFA has poured millions into women’s soccer, but abuse allegations in Haiti (and elsewhere) have exposed the global governing body’s struggle to protect victims. Finally, Outlook has a guide on how and where to stream the World Cup live. | | | | Were you forwarded this email? Did you stumble upon it online? Sign up here. | | | | | | Get the Hindustan Times app and read premium stories | | | | | | View in Browser | Privacy Policy | Contact us You received this email because you signed up for HT Newsletters or because it is included in your subscription. Copyright © HT Digital Streams. All Rights Reserved | | | | |
