milly, hannah, eve - day 3I wake up and wash down my pill and a vitamin D supplement with a coffee. I’ve messed up my hormones this month by backing up my pill packet and I can still feel something is not quite right. I haven’t been sleeping that well, which is rare for me; each sleep feels as though my body is on the cusp of something, but I never fully get there.
The morning starts slow, out of bed and straight to my laptop where I do emails and some work. After eating two slices of toast with crunchy peanut butter, some raspberries and a second coffee (no milk left for porridge, only enough for a coffee) I take a long hot shower, wash my hair, get changed, drop some bits off at the post office and make my way to the studio.
I sit down and read an introduction before deciding it’s time to get some lunch – a meal deal from Tesco. I get a ploughman’s sandwich (which is surprisingly good, the cheese is thick) and a packet of Thai Sweet Chilli Sensations, a Diet Coke, then add a banana. I always find lunch to be the hardest meal of the day. There are so many questions hanging over it, like where am I going to heat it up and how much money is reasonable to spend. It’s easiest if you’re at home but I’m rarely at home for lunch because being in the house in the day makes me feel on edge. I think of how many lunches we have shared together; lots over the three years we coexisted but less and less now. My mid-week trip with Hannah to the M&S off Cornmarket, where I would sometimes scan something like a lemon but walk away with one of their focaccia slices. Eating chicken drumsticks as we sat hungover in the sun in Eve’s garden on Hart Street. Milly’s chicken dinners with gravy, roast potatoes and tenderstem broccoli, which no matter how much I try to emulate I can never fully recreate.
We wander over to these Burns celebrations, lots of bagpipes, poems and some scoops of haggis, neeps and tatties. Lucy, Emma and I all share an individual can of Irn-Bru. Back to the studio to get more work done, I feel distracted and flick between Gumtree looking for a new chest of drawers because I am moving flat next week. I always seem to be moving flat. I think in comparison to you all my life can feel quite unsettled, but I’m okay with that thought. I snack on a few grapes and nuts and before heading to the cinema for a 19:45 screening of All the Beauty and the Bloodshed. Emma and I discretely and quietly take handfuls of salted popcorn from the packet in her bag throughout the film – it feels inappropriate to be eating. We both drink a beer. Popcorn will always immediately make me think of Milly; the boxes we got through lying in her bed and the trails that were left down corridors. There are certain foods, drinks and eating habits that I will always associate with you three; Eve’s bottle of San Pellegrino sparking water that went anywhere she went, Milly’s habit of plating up a McDonalds after a night out and yet always waking up next to the plate untouched. Hannah’s appearing packets of Taytos and dislike of eggs. I have a thought when watching the documentary that I must message Eve and tell her she should go and see it, but I haven’t done that yet.
When I come out of the cinema, I have a stream of text messages come through from Hannah. With Eve in New York, Milly in Paris now London and Hannah in Oxford, we are spread out and because we don’t really engage with each other on social media I think people from university probably still wonder if we are all friends. We text irregularly, and I like the quiet understanding that we don’t need to talk. There are no expectations to our friendship and an easiness which is unparalleled; this is probably why we can go months and months without seeing each other. I like the fact we are all leading different lives at different paces. I contemplate dinner when I get home but decide it is too late, my mouth is salty and so I down a glass of water.
If you liked this post from The Fortified Gazette, why not share it with a friend?
Read The Fortified Gazette in the app Listen to posts, join subscriber chats, and never miss an update from Fortified Gazette.
|
