Part 3 in the Navaratri Series from Modern Parivaar: A Dharmik Perspective. Thanks for reading Hindu Parenting! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work. Devi is Annapurna who feeds the world. Devi is the mother of Ganesha and Skanda. As "anēkakōṭi brahmāṇḍa jananī" (the creator and mother of countless worlds), she must protect her devotees in all of creation. And we thought our jobs were demanding! :-) Yet despite being all-powerful and all-encompassing, she is also the wife of Bhagavan Shiva. "kāmēśabaddha māṅgalya sūtraśōbhita kantharā". And that must mean something, right? Let us take a moment to appreciate the Hindu marriage's beauty. In one of the mantras chanted in a Vedic ceremony, the groom says: "I am the sky; you are the earth. I am a song of the Samaveda, you are a Rik, a couplet of the Rigveda; I am thee and thou art me. We are married. Let us get virtuous progeny who will be lovable, and lustrous for us. Let us lead a long life in togetherness to enjoy one hundred autumnal seasons." I was watching a Telugu program where people showcase their terrace gardens. In every episode, the host asks the primary gardener how much his or her spouse helps. The best answer I heard was given by a gentleman in Vijayawada. He said, "Even if she only ever pours one bucket of water, half the effort of this garden is still hers because she is half in all that I do". This is what Sanatana Dharma teaches us. The husband and wife are one. It is foolish to ask if they are equal to each other. What does equality even mean in this context? If I am right-handed, is my right hand superior to my left? Are the lyrics more important than the music? Or is it the other way around? I am greater than the sum total of all the parts of my body. And similarly, husband and wife form a family whose identity is bigger than either individual. Our modern pursuit of equality makes us want to pull things apart to see how they work. We want to take stock of the underlying parts and apportion credit. But a Hindu marriage is not a contract. It's not a vow of subservience. A Hindu wedding is a promise a man and woman make to pursue the four purusharthas (Dharma, Artha, Kama, Moksha) together. Even Sri Rama himself could not perform the Ashwamedha yagna without the golden form of Devi Sita sitting next to him. Modern theorists would ask, "If Sita was represented as a golden pratima, was she really a net positive contribution to the yagnya? What fraction of punya should she get?" Such questions are absurd. But more than that, they are dangerous. When we lose sight of the bigger picture, we reduce individuals to the monetary contributions they make. A husband is superior only if he earns more than his wife. A homemaker is inferior to a woman with a career outside the home. A teacher is worth less than a CEO. And a mother is worth nothing. When a mother is worth nothing, a father is worth even less. And so, by the same logic, instead of children being a joy, they become a burden. Not only do children cost money to raise, but they also reduce the earning potential of one or both parents. So a mother who takes time off to "spawn offspring" becomes a drain on the rest of her team. A father who takes paternity leave becomes a pariah. We are the generation that lives neither here nor there. We are not Hindu enough to remember the seven promises we made with Agni as saakshi - to be friends, live together, love and build a family, and be the earth and the sky. We are not Western enough to chase our happiness and step beyond what parents and society think. We do not understand what it means to give up an individual identity to forge a newer, stronger, blended one in a marriage. Yet we dare not claim what we feel we are owed by the world. Forever vacillating, forever restless, forever searching for that which does not exist, we seem doomed to a life of discontent. But this discontent is of our own making. The solution is absurdly simple. The Sky and Earth - each is different. Yet we cannot tell where the one ends, and the other begins. And so it is with a Hindu marriage. The husband and wife are not different entities. They are part of a bigger whole. Bhagavan Shiva and Devi Parvati united as Ardhanarishwara teach us to let go of our individual identities and grow together. If we can remember this, we shall know true happiness. Reference: Swarajya magazine - Are Hindu Marriage Vows Misogynistic? The last word from Hindu Parenting: On Day 3 of Navaratri, we worship Devi Chandraghanta, the married form of Devi Parvati. She is the Shakti of Mahadev, Bhagavan Shiva. After a Hindu vivaha, the newly married couple enters into the next stage of life called grihasta. In today’s world, many Hindus have forgotten that marriage and giving birth to children is the fulfilment of dharma towards our ancestors (pitr-rna). The Hindu vivaha is a spiritual journey a couple undertakes towards attaining the four purusharthas of Dharma, Artha, Kama and Moksha. Thanks for reading Hindu Parenting! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.
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